I have become increasingly aware of much I am touched through the day. Some days I don't mind all of the little hands on me and others I want to lock myself in the bathroom so that for just 5 minutes I don't have anyone poking at me.
For all of this touching I have noticed how my breasts have become desensitized. For crying out loud the other day I was sitting at the computer, Peylyn was napping and Zola and Ajay were sitting on the sofa watching a movie. I turned to them and in a bit of a panic I said "where is Taj?" They both started laughing hysterically at me, which is when I looked down and realized that not only was Taj sitting on my lap but he was nursing!
I feel that as a breastfeeding mom I am supposed to just hand my body over to my children, no questions asked. While I do take great pride in the fact that my body is nurturing my children both physically and emoitionally, it is still my body. I have had a lot of feelings of guilt lately for sometimes just wanting to have my body back to myself. Looking back I think that these feelings had a lot to do with why I so easily let Perry persuade me into weaning Ajay at 2 years.
Guess what...it is completely ok to have these feelings. It is completely ok to think if one more person touches me today I am going to scream! It is ok to have to take a "time out" and sit some place quiet for a moment and it is more than ok to redirect your toddler on those days when you feel like you just can't breastfeed one more person. Then do you know what you do? You pat yourself on the back for the amazing gift you are giving your children, you take a deep breath and lay down on the bed and nurse them both to sleep and watch them and realize how amazing this adventure in tandem nursing really is.
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