It is going to be a long week.

So, I have my mom in town for the week and I am thrilled. It is great to have her here but I am saddened by a comment that she made on her first day. This morning after breakfast Taj looked at me and said "nee nee please" and my mom looked at me and asked what that meant. I told her that he was asking to nurse to which she replied "Don't you think it is about time you knock that off? He is almost 3." I told her that it has been shown that a child will naturally wean between the ages of 3 and 4 and that I wasn't comfortable with forcing him to wean before he was ready. Her reply was "Well, maybe but come on we aren't living in a 3rd world country." I quickly ended the conversation with a "Well, he doesn't really nurse that much any more any way." This his hilarious because my almost 3 year old nurses more often than my 1 year old does. He practically nursed through an entire play date the other day.

So after this very brief conversation I have felt really uncomfortable nursing him around her and so I feel like I have been brushing his needs aside all day. At one point when he asked to "nee nee" I told him that we would nurse later and he throw himself on the ground crying. So, we didn't nurse before we went off to my older two's soccer games and at one point he was begging and trying to pull my breasts out of my shirt right there on the side lines. We had a quick talk about being patient and I promised that he would nurse before nap. So after we got home him and I went upstairs to nurse and the poor child seemed so frantic, like I better take what I can get now because I don't know when I will be able to do this again.

It was a long evening and can I say uncomfortable one. When you have two kids nursing on a daily basis and then all of a sudden just one, hello very full breasts! Finally it was time for bed and the poor child nursed for almost an hour. I can not go another 9 days like this, I need to figure out what to say to her and also how to not push aside Taj's needs because I am not feeling comfortable in a situation. He is only 2 1/2 and this is not his problem, he just wants to know why all of a sudden I am not allowing him to "nee nee" whenever he would like to.

Any good words of advice would be really appreciated right now.

Touched Too Much!!!

I have become increasingly aware of much I am touched through the day. Some days I don't mind all of the little hands on me and others I want to lock myself in the bathroom so that for just 5 minutes I don't have anyone poking at me.

For all of this touching I have noticed how my breasts have become desensitized. For crying out loud the other day I was sitting at the computer, Peylyn was napping and Zola and Ajay were sitting on the sofa watching a movie. I turned to them and in a bit of a panic I said "where is Taj?" They both started laughing hysterically at me, which is when I looked down and realized that not only was Taj sitting on my lap but he was nursing!

I feel that as a breastfeeding mom I am supposed to just hand my body over to my children, no questions asked. While I do take great pride in the fact that my body is nurturing my children both physically and emoitionally, it is still my body. I have had a lot of feelings of guilt lately for sometimes just wanting to have my body back to myself. Looking back I think that these feelings had a lot to do with why I so easily let Perry persuade me into weaning Ajay at 2 years.

Guess what...it is completely ok to have these feelings. It is completely ok to think if one more person touches me today I am going to scream! It is ok to have to take a "time out" and sit some place quiet for a moment and it is more than ok to redirect your toddler on those days when you feel like you just can't breastfeed one more person. Then do you know what you do? You pat yourself on the back for the amazing gift you are giving your children, you take a deep breath and lay down on the bed and nurse them both to sleep and watch them and realize how amazing this adventure in tandem nursing really is.

Breastfeeding for my Health?

I have barely had time to think let alone sit down and type these past few weeks. Apparently just when you realize that your family has been really healthy through the winter you will spend the month of March first battling croup in the 2 younger ones and then 4 out of the 6 family members will all have the stomach flu. It certainly has been an adventure.

I have been so happy to have some warm days so that I could finally open the windows and air out my plague infested home.

All I have to say is thank God for breastfeeding! It doesn't matter if you are nursing 1 or 4, when your child is sick it is so reassuring that what little they are keeping down it is something that is doing great things for their body. Plus, in Peylyn's case it was breastfeeding that I believe probably helped to keep her well through this stomach flu. Some how her and I managed to dodge that bullet. Would it be strange to say that I think that breastfeeding maybe did help me as well? I think that when I have sick people in the house I almost become more calm. I just stop everything and focus on that person. I don't care what the house looks like or how many dishes are in the sink, I just focus on getting that person better. So Taj was #2 in the house to get sick and we just layed around and napped and nursed as he wanted. So if stress weakens the immune system well then maybe relaxing and nursing my babies helped to boost mine.

Perry is always asking why I never catch all of these lovely illnesses that the kids drag home from school and I always joke because I never share drinks with the kids (it is my own personal thing that I think sharing drinks with anyone is gross, I don't even share with my husband) and all the antioxidants in my nightly glass of wine. Now I will have to add that breastfeeding keeps me healthy as well.

Happily everyone is finally healthy again and things are getting back to normal (whatever that is). We have had beautiful weather this week and I was so happy to finally be outside soaking up the sun and making some vitamin D.

First Time for Everything

I just had to write because I felt so empowered today! For the first time (not counting nursing at a local cafe that is VERY breastfeeding friendly) I nursed both of my children in public today.

Well, now that I have volunteered to be a co-leader for our local Holistic Moms Network chapter I went to the mall to meet up with the other leaders this morning. The play area was in full swing as I was nursing my 5 month old Peylyn. No big deal, I breastfeed her no matter where we are.

This morning though something was up with Taj and after I nursed Peylyn I handed her to the woman I was with so that I could pay some extra attention to him. He immediately climbed up on my lap and started saying "nur, nur." I tried to distract him with the slide but he wasn't falling for it. So I gave in...

This is huge for me on two accounts: first, we haven't nursed in public since he was about 18 months old. Mostly because when we are out he is so distracted by what is going on around him. The other thing is, I wasn't sure how comfortable I was with it. I nursed Ajay (#2) until he was 2, but at some point between a year and 18 months I was not comfortable nursing him outside the house. I guess I was a closet nurser and maybe I was with Taj too, but honestly he rarely ever asked to nurse when we were out. Second, I have never nursed both so publicly (in a place like the mall where you know not everyone feels as passionate about breastfeeding as I do). Honestly though it felt great! My worst fears had not come true, people did not cover their children's eyes, no one ran screaming for the door and after just a little while Taj was happy and went off to play. I don't know why I have not just feared nursing an older child in public but also showing people that yes I am nursing both of my children.

When Taj was asking to nurse this morning, the first thing that popped into my head were the words of a woman I had just met the other day. Last week I was at a babywearing meeting (at a local & VERY pro-breastfeeding cafe) and I had just nursed Peylyn and Taj came over and began to nurse and a woman sitting across from me told me how beautiful that was and that I was giving her hope that she could do the same for her toddler and soon to be born baby.

Is there a greater compliment than that? I love that by being so open about what I feel is right for us, I may be giving another woman the encouragement that she has been looking for to tandem nurse too.

All I Can Say is WOW...

OK, so my husband was not completely on board when I came home from the hospital and officially became a tandem nurser. Well, this evening over dinner he was telling me about his day at work. Some how one of the guys in the feed mill and him got on the topic of breastfeeding (let me note that this guys wife had to have her baby at 30 weeks due to issues with preeclampsia) and this young guy stated that breastfeeding was stupid and a pain in the ass. Now as far as I know he has yet to breastfeed, but maybe I am wrong. Anyway, he went on to tell my husband that his wife stopped breastfeeding (their very premature baby) because it was just too time consuming.

My husband would have ended the conversation there except for the fact that this young guy went on to tell Perry (my husband) how disgusting it is that I am nursing two children at once. He asked if I knew what kind of damage I was doing to Taj by still nursing him at this age (he isn't even two yet). My husband went on to tell him about all of the health benefits that there are from extended nursing and that it is a fact that children that are nursed do better in school. Plus, not only is it not disgusting, I am a great mom that listens to her gut and not what all of the people around me say.

This kid laughed at the issue of health benefits because he has a niece that is breastfed (obviously this makes him an expert) and is sick all of the time. Perry told him to look at all of the other crap that they are shoving down her throat.

All I can say is wow...I guess that when push comes to shove Perry really does have my back and that is a great thing to know. I hate to think that I am out here all alone. I always knew that he did really respect the fact that I was so passionate about breastfeeding, but it is great to know that he does actually support my choice to tandem nurse (even if he is just now excepting it).

Who Knew I'd be Shopping Like This...

Woo Hoo, our tax return came yesterday!!! So last night we loaded up the family and headed out to eat. That was a blast, we went to Nakashima, a hibachi restaurant, for a nice meal. Well, ok maybe not a blast as it was a Meinnert family night out. Ajay was crying because he didn't want to see the fire, Zola was laughing because she is so excited to see the fire, Taj was intrigued by all of the fire at the other tables and little Peylyn couldn't care less. Oh well, I always enjoy a night out when I don't have to worry about cooking for two meat eaters and two vegetarians. Then there is Taj who just wants to play with the food and throw whatever he doesn't want at my head.

Anyway, after we left Perry asked if I wanted to go to Kohl's. Well, since I am down to one pair of jeans that fits me (post baby) and three tunics that I bought at the hippy store downtown, because they are great for nursing, I of course was all over the thought of having a few new items.

Items purchased included 2 pairs of jeans, 2 tank tops (the ones with the spaghetti straps and the boob shelf also serving to hide my tummy when shirt is pulled up to nurse) and 4 cotton tunic type tops. As we are checking out, Perry is looking at the items I chose. He asked "is there a reason you can't ever choose something that actually sits next to your body and shows your curves?" My reply was "How the hell do you comfortably nurse two babies in tight fitting clothes?" The cashier was loving this conversation.

It hit me then how much everything I do is centered around nursing a baby. It doesn't matter if you are nursing one baby, two or even ten, when you decide that this is the path for you and your child/children it is amazing how you will alter your life to do just that. When we discuss going out to eat, I only go to places where I know I can nurse Peylyn comfortably, the women I surround myself with are all so supportive, the clothes I buy are all about comfort while nursing and even the church the kids and I started attending, I chose to continue going there after the second time we attended and a woman approached me to tell me how beautiful it was to see me nursing my baby.

It is a beautiful and amazing thing! When I look at my two precious babies I can not believe that there are people out there that think that a mother feeding her child with her own milk is unnatural.

Patience, What's That?

It is pretty funny to see a 2 year old trying to wait his turn to nurse! Lately I have been having them "take turns" because I was concerned about the fact that every time Peylyn "needed" to nurse Taj wanted to. I felt bad that Taj and I had 19 wonderful months of having our special time together and started to feel that Peylyn was being short changed. So now for the most part (unless I really don't have the time or the patience) Peylyn goes then Taj.

So now with the new rules, while I am nursing Peylyn I have an eager child sitting next to me trying to convince me that it is his turn. It is hilarious!!! He has even gone as far as pulling my breast out of her mouth and saying "done mama." One of these days Peylyn will be taking it back saying "no!"

All the while the older two think all of this is so funny, which only encourages a 2 year old even more!

I am sure some people would freak out over stuff like this but I think it is funny and it makes me count my blessings that I am able to stay home with my babies and nurture them in a way that no one else could. It is hard, money is very tight on one income, but in the end it is all worth it to me. This time passes so quickly, I would give up anything to be here with them and witness all of their magical moments.

How Long?

If you are close to me then you probably already know that my husband isn't really on board with a lot of my choices. He was getting antsy at the end of my pregnancy wondering when I was going to wean Taj. I think that he thought that my 2 day stay at the hospital after having Peylyn was going to put an end to it. Boy was he wrong! Once I realized that I was in my third trimester and still nursing I knew we would keep going for as long as it is still what Taj and I want.

Perry no longer has the disgusted look on his face when he walks into the bedroom and I am nursing both of them, but like clock work he is now asking "how long?" Sadly, I stopped way before Ajay was ready because my husband wasn't comfortable with me nursing him past 2 years old (I didn't know then what I know now so Zola and I stopped when I was 5 months pregnant with Ajay). It was awful trying to wean him, he became very aggressive when I wouldn't let him nurse.

Now that I am about 1 month from Taj's 2nd birthday the question is coming up yet again. This time I am a little older and wiser. I told him the other day that if he wanted me to stop nursing he would be the one that would have to wake up and comfort Taj in the middle of the night. Yes, that shut him up real quick! He has it so easy, even if he is the one to wake up first when he hears Taj at night he know he can go get him and hand him over to me to nurse him right back to sleep. If they both wake up at the same time (usually Taj is still crying on the way to our room and he wakes up Peylyn) he knows I will nurse them at the same time and they go right back to sleep. Please, if there is a man that has it any easier let me know.

My question is "Why do men care how long we choose to nurse our children when we aren't asking them to do it?"

2 at once?

Having the great breastfeeding support that I have here in Appleton, the discussion of tandem nursing came up while I was pregnant since I was still nursing Taj. Some one had brought up how nursing 2 at once was just too much for them. I had the thought in my head that this was just too much for me as well. I was still trying to wrap my head around nursing two babies, I couldn't even imagine doing it at the same time!

Then reality sets in! Here I am at home alone with two babies crying because they want to nurse. One is crying because she is a newborn and I imagine fussing out of hunger and the other just woke up from his nap and wants his usual nurse after nap time. I tried to go with the infant first, but my toddler starts screaming like a mad man!!!! What choice did I have but to nurse them at the same time?

I have never seen two happier babies. That moment was the beginning of what I am so proud of now. My two babies, one days old and the other about 19 months, both bonding with me and with each other. While they were nursing Taj reached over and held Peylyn's hand, that was a moment that will stay with me forever.